Slowie wants to avoid scars.

“Well it would be a mental scar that would take a long time to heal. I would suffer all the damage.”

“Sounds dramatic.”

“No. You are just unaware of what causes your damages. You wake up to a house on fire.”

“I know gas is filling the place but I can still make myself sleep soundly.”

“I’m aware.”

“Of course.”

“They give me something that say’s commitment. I take off all of my clothes in front of them and slowly they abandon me. It isn’t the loss of sex I’m the most afraid of, it is the loss of true commitment. It’s costly.”

“You can afford it.”

“I can’t.”

“You’ve survived.”

“I think about myself. I can see their commitments to their half commitments; doing just enough, but not fully present so their abandonment doesn’t cause them injury. I just have to be aware.”

“That sounds carefully constructed.”

“It is.”

“It is also too much awareness.”

“The defacement is too scary.”

“Yeah.”

“I want to see who they are when the risk is equivalent.”