Nicholas doesn’t know his best interest.

“I can’t just want anything. It is not that simple. The pain and confusion comes when I want something from her. She was there and I couldn’t do anything about it. She showed up one day in my life like she belonged.

“This is sounding less and less like a friendship and more and more like a scientific method.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well it didn’t matter if I predetermined what it is and stay devastated by the results.I apparently don’t know my best interest. I don’t have a clue what this person means or anything else for that matter. I just have ideas that I play out and slowly- or all at once, runs me into the bottom of the ocean. This happens in small ways daily or devastating ones until I stop making decisions.”

“What are you talking about?.”

“I’m trying to figure it out. You know when I stand back and watch the machinations; when I with every fucking tendon I have in body hold myself back. I watch her with her crazy erratic undulation’s; well, I, at this point for the most part anyway see what I need from all of this. All her inconsistencies somehow from here eventually reveals an answer for me. This seems like the way.”

“Like you’re not supposed to do anything.”

“Yeah..well..”